Randomness

I am a total stress case lately. So annoying. Really, every little thing seems to stress me out to the point that I am bugged more often than not. With myself. Relax, I tell myself. Just chill out, let it roll off your back, whatever "it" is. Jeff is so good at this. I am not. I obsess about things and over analyze and plan out every possible scenario and my possible reaction and... it's just such a waste of energy that I am exhausted. I am tired of being stressed. This pregnancy seems to have made it worse. There is the baby worry behind all the other worry and I just want to enjoy it instead of stressing about it. I want to enjoy the kicks and the planning and the dreaming about what he will look like and how he will be and the way he will smell and how he will fall asleep in my arms and how I will fall in love with him a little more every day. Doesn't that sound lovely? All the plans and dreams that come along with a baby. I love babies. Some people don't, they would rather fast forward through the newborn stage right into infancy or toddlerhood. Not me. I love my tiny little babies. Their fuzzy hair and milky eyes, the way they smell brand new and the tiny little socks that fit over their tinier feet. All of it is perfection. It goes by much too quickly for me, I wish time would stretch out a little longer during those tiny baby days. But it doesn't. Maybe because I have to sleep at some point and my babies don't feel that particular need. So I should go with that thought, a sweet baby to cuddle and love. And I should sleep in the meantime. And quit stressing. I really should.