I miss my Grandpa. He died over 2 years ago and yet some days the emotion of his death comes back to me with such force that it feels like yesterday. Today was one of those days. I was watching TV and there was an elderly couple on the show that reminded me of my grandparents. She went in for surgery and never came out. He was crushed. It was sudden, he was not ready. And I cried. My Grandpa left suddenly. He was sick, he went to the hospital, and then he died. He never came home again and nobody was ready for it. I talked to him on the phone the day before he died. I knew then that he would die and I sobbed, my words were barely coherent. I said over and over again how I loved him. How much he had meant to me in the 30 years that were my life. How he was one of those few people that I knew loved me unconditionally and I had always felt that, even as a child. What a gift that was. He uttered some words in response, I was too emotional to try to understand. And then he was gone and my Mom's voice came on the line in his place. And that was it, the last time, the last of my Grandpa. And now I am left with the longing. I can still see his watery blue eyes, I can remember the smell of his skin, the sound of his laugh, the signature windbreaker. And I miss him.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Missing Grandpa
I miss my Grandpa. He died over 2 years ago and yet some days the emotion of his death comes back to me with such force that it feels like yesterday. Today was one of those days. I was watching TV and there was an elderly couple on the show that reminded me of my grandparents. She went in for surgery and never came out. He was crushed. It was sudden, he was not ready. And I cried. My Grandpa left suddenly. He was sick, he went to the hospital, and then he died. He never came home again and nobody was ready for it. I talked to him on the phone the day before he died. I knew then that he would die and I sobbed, my words were barely coherent. I said over and over again how I loved him. How much he had meant to me in the 30 years that were my life. How he was one of those few people that I knew loved me unconditionally and I had always felt that, even as a child. What a gift that was. He uttered some words in response, I was too emotional to try to understand. And then he was gone and my Mom's voice came on the line in his place. And that was it, the last time, the last of my Grandpa. And now I am left with the longing. I can still see his watery blue eyes, I can remember the smell of his skin, the sound of his laugh, the signature windbreaker. And I miss him.
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3 comments:
i miss him too. you are so lucky to have lived by them and have so many memories. i hope you know i am totally crying, you have to warn a poor pregnant girl before you do that!! love ya!
I feel your pain. I miss my sweet grandpa too. Like your grandpa, my grandpa never came home from the hospital. He never recovered from his third open heart surgery at the age of 72. I think I'm most scared now that my parents are about 10 years away from 72. Brent's parents are almost 80.
I watched Gray's Anatomy (I think that's the show you were talking about) and cried so hard my chin was quivering.
I miss him too Erin. In fact the same thing happens to me, I will think "oh I should tell Grandpa that" only to remember that he isn't here! I found a picture of him and grandma from my wedding the other day. You should see how good he looked!! I haven't ever missed anyone sooo much! I am crying now too!!
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