My mom

When I was a little girl I wanted two things when I grew up: to go on a mission and to be a mom. In that order. I was a little indignant when the primary chorister would ask all the little boys to stand up when we sang "I hope they call me on a mission." I was the only little girl that would stand and it didn't bother me one bit, to be the only one. I knew I would go on a mission someday and that was that.

I'm not sure exactly where the desire to serve a mission came from. We always had missionaries in our home. They loved my parents, everyone does. They loved them enough that they would come back after 2 years and bring their parents to meet the Bowman's. They would send us wedding invitations and graduation announcements and return with their wives to show them Oregon and the Bowman's. Or perhaps it was the Bowman's and Oregon. Either way, they were beloved. It must have planted some kind of seed inside of me. One that took root and blossomed and was nurtured by those loving parents over the years. "When you go on your mission..." That was the common phrase in our household, for both my brother and I. The when was their way of saying they believed in me, had faith that I could do whatever I set my mind to. I believed it too.

The desire to be a mom must have come from the same place. It was right in front of me everyday. I had the kind of mom that was made to be just that, a mom. She did it to perfection. And she loved it. Even as a small child I knew that. I asked her why one day, why she loved it so much, loved us so much. She said that she had waited a long time, thought it might not ever happen, that she might not get to be a mom. So, when it did happen she soaked it all in, every minute of us. And we made her happy.

It seemed so natural to her, being a mother. And I knew that was what I wanted too.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" she would ask.

"A mom."

"You will be the best mom, your children will be so lucky."

And I believed her. I believed her all throughout my childhood. I believed her in third grade when my friends decided to make me sit alone at lunch and recess for 3 whole weeks. I cried everyday, but I still believed her. I believed her in 9th grade after my second knee surgery when the Dr. told me my soccer season was over, for good. I cried until my stomach ached from so many tears. She smiled at me through her tears and I believed her. I believed her in 10th grade when my best friend found another best friend and I sat alone on the weekends, wishing life was different, wishing I was different. She had a way of reminding me that I was ok just the way I was, and I believed her. I believed her my freshman year at Ricks when the homesickness was too much to bear and she drove all those long miles to come and get me. She hugged for days after and told me it was a gift, this time we had together, a gift. I believed her. I believed her when it seemed like Jeff would never marry me. She assured me that he would and I believed her.

Today, our conversations go something like this.

"Mom, the kids are driving me crazy. How can I be so bad at this mom thing, how come you never told me it was so hard?"

"It's hard, now I've told you. And you are not bad at it. You love them. Your kids are lucky to have you."

And I still believe her.

There's a Taylor Swift song that reminds me of her, of my childhood. It makes me cry every time, and I love that it does. Happy tears are the best kind. I love you mom.

The Best Day lyrics:
I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold

I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home.

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

But I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school

But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs

And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today