Without Regret

So, here is the update. There is no update. Nothing has changed. Tuesday and Wednesday were bad, Thursday and Friday were better, Saturday and Sunday were not. Jeff came home on Sunday. I could barely contain my excitement. Maybe that's not the appropriate emotion in a situation like this. But then again, what emotions are appropriate in a situation like this? All of them seem wrong. But I was excited to see him. I am not cut out to be a single mom. (Who is?) By Sunday we all realized this. My poor children. Life is just better with Jeff around. He is my Evangeline. We have watched Princess and the Frog one too many times of late. But it's true. He is it for me. And the more I know of him, the better I like him. Even with all that is going on right now, he never ceases to impress me. We were talking on the phone one night while he was in California. It was a night when things looked bleak. I asked how everyone else was holding up. They weren't. They were looking back and wishing and rethinking and regetting. Such a natural thing to do. "If only..." begins to play on repeat. I asked how he felt, in the midst of it all. He said he had no regrets. Should I repeat that again. No regrets. He loved his dad, they talked everyday, they shared their ups and downs, they compared notes after the big games, they were best friends. What was there to regret? I sat and listened to him. The emotion in his voice was clear. Love and sadness all mixed together. But no regret. I want that. I want that with all the people I love. Just in case the unpredictable rears its ugly head again, I want that. I want to know I was good to the people that matter the most. And Jeff has it. So no matter what happens, he will be ok. He will be all kinds of sad, or all sorts of happy, and either way he will eventually be ok. Did I mention I love him?