Five weeks

Our Lucy is five weeks old today. I love her. What more is there to say really? I remember this day five weeks ago so clearly. I laid on a bed in a delivery room waiting for this little one to arrive. There was a lot of time to think. And for a moment I wondered if I was ready. For one panicky moment, I wondered if I had room for another one. Were we crazy, could we do five? Could I do five? Could I love her as much as my other babies? Was I too old? Did I have enough attention to spread around to everyone?

But, there was no turning back. Ready or not, she was coming. And I forgot how it felt until I saw her. That immediate love. Like there had been room all along, just waiting for this little baby to fill. For my Lucy. And five weeks later I can barely stand how cute she is. Can hardly believe that I doubted for a minute if I was ready, if there was room enough for one more. There is just something about this little girl that is so familiar, like we've known each other all along.

I keep teasing Jeff that we could squeeze another one in. That I could just hurry up and get pregnant. Six wouldn't be any different than five, right? He begs to differ. I tell him I am just teasing, that having this sweet newborn makes me baby hungry. You have a baby, he says. He is right. I have a perfect 5 week old baby. And the thought of never having another baby again makes me a little sad. So I tell him we could have another, that four and five were so much easier than the others, we could do it. He smiles a nervous smile and shakes his head no. "You aren't serious, are you?" he asks. I am not serious. Or maybe just sort of serious....or maybe a little hormonal and sleep deprived.