So, I feel the need to explain my previous post. I published it days ago, then went back and took it off, then published it again. It's bothering me, more than it should. Bothering me because it's raw and a little too real for me to say out loud. I feel exposed. I worry about what people will think. And again, I wish that I didn't care. But I do. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or think that I am weak. I don't want them to judge me. None of us want that, we want understanding and kindness, not criticism. And part of life is that we get both.
But, in order to be understood, you have to put yourself out there, let people know you. And I am not very good at that. I went back last week and read all of my blog entries. They follow a similar theme, a certain nostalgia about childhood, both mine and my children's. Not a bad thing every once in a while, but I find that I am missing a lot of the here and now. I tend to gloss over the reality of the everyday by waxing poetic about my babes and how I will miss them when they are grown, blah, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, I'm sure I will miss them. And right now, I do love them. So much. But being a mom is hard and not every day is poetic, some days are downright crappy. And that's life. And it's o.k. for people to know that. I'm not perfect, I cry, my feelings get hurt too easily, I yell at my kids sometimes, I feel guilty, I try hard some days, others...not so much. But being honest about it feels, well, liberating. So there it is. Raw. Not so pretty. Feel free to judge....(just don't tell me you're doing it ;)
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7 comments:
I love you honesty! I think that everyone who is a mom has the same feeling and we tend to hide them, when it should be good to share. I think you are a great mom who is trying like the rest of us to make progress.
You are so sweet Erin! Please know that you are not alone. At least I will join you on the feeling-like-crappy-parent train. And you are an awesome mom! Hello, your kids adore you. I enjoy the honesty though. I think it is a good thing to open up every now and then. It's theraputic. And it makes everyone else reading your blog feel like they are not the only ones struggling with these things. Just remember you have lots of friends who love and admire you!
I want to give you a hug!! And cry with you and yell at our kids together and talk badly about mean people and just flat out wallow in our "misery"...and then take the kids to the park and let them run wild and be crazy and loud and dirty and let them interrupt us while we try to talk...and eat some girl scout cookies together. Want to? Name a day next week and I'll be there! I love you and I think you are FABULOUS!
I hate rude people!
I too love the honesty (as you can tell from reading my blog). All too often I think these Mormon mommy blogs can be full of all the good things in life, and sometimes people get the perception that everyone else's lives are perfect and easy all the time...when truthfully we all struggle sometimes! I think it's great to be able to say being a parent is HARD! But you are doing a great job. I don't know you all that well, but it is evident to me that you love your family more than anything.
Erin, Oh I so feel your pain! I can't count on both hands the number of times I have sat in my van and BAWLED MY EYES OUT over the humiliation I just felt in a certain store. And usually it was because of a stare, or a comment I wasn't (or was) supposed to hear. My kids are maniacs! They are LOUD, crazy, and sometimes very cranky. And then they are also the most adorable, sweet, caring and loving kids in the universe. I wish as well that I didn't give a rip what other people, especially strangers, thought of me. Oh well, maybe when we are in our 40's? Love you!
I would worry if you didn't have days like that. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do about being a mom on certain days. I remember when Jonas was about a month old I saw an Oprah where some moms were saying that about 80% of the time it's crappy being a mom. I thought that was horrible!! Well, now sometimes I think it can be around 90% on a bad day!!!!! Keep telling it like it is. It makes us moms feel like we're normal, not terrible.
Erin, it's me, Rebecca Petersen. I had to comment on this post. I've been checking your blog every couple weeks since I found it (at least a few months ago). I love it - it reflects the Erin I knew, grew to love and admire and still do! Also, I love the way you write. EVERYTHING you write is an emotion I've felt. If I were blogging - you discuss the same things I would. I can definately relate to the crappy days (wish I didn't). I deeply identify with the way you talk about your children. We love them more than they will ever know and more than they can ever love us - and that's just fine. We love to serve them despite no obvious reward. But that's what's so beautiful - our reward is also greater than they will ever know. They will come to somewhat of an understanding when they become parents themselves. The whole cycle is what we live for - right? I adore your poetic waxings. Never change your tone - your sentimental, slightly flowery, and beautifully flowy voice. Love ya - Reba (only you can call me that)
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